Grief is something that will affect all of us at some time in our lives. When we think of grief we often associate it with the passing of someone , however other losses that occur can also trigger the same grieving process for example loss of a job, or the breakdown of a relationship.
It is important to recognise that grief can bring about a number of symptoms that are both emotional and physical. There is no fixed way to grieve but symptoms are often linked to a number of stages that can occur in any order during the process:
- Shock & Denial – providing you with emotional protection
- Pain & Guilt – whilst this stage is difficult it is important to experience it and acknowledge how you feel
- Anger & Bargaining – this stage helps to release emotions that you have bottled up
- Depression, Reflection, Loneliness – during this stage you will realise the true magnitude of your loss
- The Upward Turn – the start of adjustment to your new life
- Reconstruction & Working Through – you will start to look at things more realistically and begin to work on practical matters
- Acceptance & Hope – in this stage you will start to feel emotionally able to look forward to the future and experience the joy of living
Many people find that they don’t follow these stages in order, you may go back and forth between them for a while. This is Ok – your grief is personal to you. It is really important for you to understand that however you feel is normal for you and the circumstances you find yourself in.
If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time. Beth Mende Conny
When a new loss occurs our subconscious automatically refers back to how we coped with previous losses and the emotions that this triggers can often compound our current feelings. This can lead to you feeling completely overwhelmed and unsure of how to move forward.
Be kind to yourself during this time…
- Eat well – food can help to lift our mood and bring us into emotional balance. It is easy to turn to ‘comfort’ food but eating a balanced diet will be much better for you.
- Avoid alcohol – so many people turn to alcohol as a way to ‘numb the pain’ but alcohol may act as a depressant and will most likely leave you feeling worse when it’s affects have worn off
- Exercise – you may not feel like going out but gentle exercise may help you to become more focussed and increases the hormones that control our moods.
- Sleep – whilst sleeping may be difficult it will help you in the long run. Try to practise relaxtion techniques before going to be or download a relaxation mp3 to help you.
- Talk – share your feelings on your loss with a close friend or family member – sometimes talking to someone who is removed from the situation helps to put your feelings into perspective and sharing stories can help replace your feelings of sadness with happier memories
Ask for help to grieve
I often talk to clients who make themselves overly busy so that they effectively avoid grieving , this may make things harder later on. Through kinesiology we can provide you with coping mechanisms, as well as using bach remedies to work with your specific feelings at the time. Lots of people get stuck at anger move on and then go back to anger again. It is ok to be angry with the condition that caused the loss or even with the person you have lost.
When you do feel angry take yourself to a safe place and allow yourself to experience the anger so that you can feel it, process it and move on from it.
Remember that all grief takes time to pass and there is no specified length of time that you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ grieve for – your journey is personal to you.
As you comprehend this profound loss… let yourself cry knowing each tear is a note of love rising to the heavens. Author Unknown